I have been praying about starting a blog for quite a while, but always chickened out because there really isn't anything too interesting about my life. I'm a pretty boring person. But you know how God brings something to mind and He doesn't let you forget it until you finally force yourself to do it - well that's what happened. I am a pretty private person, so to put myself out there terrifies me!
When I was 16 years old I was diagnosed with PCOS. For those who have never heard of it, it is a syndrome that effects many different areas for a woman. The most painful - it effects fertility. The thought of never having children at age 16 didn't really effect me too much.
Then I got married....
For the last 4 years we have been unable to conceive. As a woman, I feel like a failure. The one thing I believe I was put on earth to do and I can't - well haven't yet. And as I hear the silent groans from some, yes, I know women have been liberated and we can have successful careers, but God has not put that desire on my heart.
Lately I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself, like no one else could possibly know or understand what I am going through (which in all honesty, unless you have experienced infertility, I don't think you can truly understand it) But God did something completely amazing for me!! He brought a long lost friend into the picture and through her openness and vulnerability I saw that God had not forsaken me like I thought!
Now, don't get me wrong - I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and if He is most glorified in us not having children then that is His sovereign choice! As Romans 9:20 says, "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why have you made me like this?'" (NKJV)
