The Happiest Time of the Year and the Saddest

The other night Seth and I watched a Christmas movie, typical for this time of year as I am obsessed with all things Christmas! There was a young boy in the story that was an orphan and desperately wanted a family for Christmas. A family. Something so simple, yet such a large request. I love all of the holiday cheer and decorating, and it seems that this time of year people are just all around nicer to each other. I love shopping for Christmas presents and listening to Christmas music while I wrap them. I love having a cup of coffee and sitting in the living room with nothing else lit but our Christmas tree and just praising God for the wonderful blessings He has given me (something my mom always used to do). I know that Christmas and all of its traditions are fun, but we all know the true meaning of Christmas. That God, in His infinite mercy and grace, sent His One and Only Son to be born of a virgin, to live a sinless, holy life and to die for my sins. Because of this amazing gift and sacrifice, I can live knowing each and every day that I have a Savior who died for me and loves me more than I could ever comprehend. 

But the holidays are a sad time too. My mom always used to say this growing up and, to be honest, I never quite understood where she was coming from, which brings me back to my main point, the movie. I think of all of the children tonight that will go to bed hungry, scared, lonely, and unloved and think, do they even know what Christmas is? Has anyone ever told them the true meaning of Christmas? And it breaks my heart. Children that will never be tucked in by a mommy and daddy, will never hear “I love you”. They will never know the safety and security of a godly home. Yes, presents are always fun to get, but they aren’t lasting. I mean stop and think about Christmases past, how many gifts can you really remember? This is why I am so passionate about adoption!! Lord willing, next year Seth and I will be welcoming children into our home to give them all of that. But most importantly, to share the gospel with them. 

But not just children need to hear the gospel, nor is it just children that are lonely and sad and broken. Let's face it, we live in a broken world with so many hurting people. I get so wrapped up in my own thing that I completely miss those hurting right next to me. What difference would an extra smile make or a kind word? 

As we go about our busy schedules of the holidays and enjoy time with family, let’s remember those in the world whose saddest time of the year is the holidays (because it isn’t just children who don’t have anyone loving them), and let’s pray for them! Pray that somehow, some way they could hear the gospel, pray that God would give you the opportunity to share the gospel. Through all of it that they could know the unfailing love of a Heavenly Father that will never leave them.

Merry Christmas!

Paper Dream

Anyone who has experienced the pain of infertility knows how deep the despair of loneliness can feel. One facing infertility often asks, Why God, why me? I know I have asked this question over and over and over again. I know God loves me and as His word tells me, He works all things for our good, Romans 8:28. But that doesn't mean that God is going to give me everything I want. Every prayer and petition we lift up to God as Christians, He answers, but we don't always like those answers. God is not a genie or an ATM machine. I have heard friends experiencing infertility that get angry with God because they just can't understand how a loving God wont give them children. Yet, once they conceive, God is so good again. This frustrates me to no end. As hard as it is to say sometimes, God is always good. There are times when I don't understand why He chooses to do things or to withhold things from me, but as Romans 9 tells us, who am I to question God?! I must admit there are times when I cry myself to sleep at yet another person I know that is expecting - don't get me wrong please! It isn't because I am unhappy or even jealous that someone is expecting, not at all! It's just I don't understand why me. However, I have come to realize that God is molding me into the type of woman He wants me to be - am I willing to suffer for His glory? Maybe thru my "suffering" someone is pointed to the amazing glory of God. Maybe I can be a testimony to an unsaved friend or acquaintance. Oh to only imagine that God could use me in that way!! What a wonderful thing, because you see, if thru me God is most glorified by me never having children, who am I to complain and question His plan for my life?! God has given me so much already in my salvation alone.

My point of writing this post, and the title of it, is to share with you a new movie that recently came out by American Family Studios. It is entitled Paper Dream. I have to tell you, this movie hit close to home. It's only about 45 minutes in length and I believe every single woman should watch this movie whether they have children or not. I believe it gives an accurate description of how infertility affects a woman. In the movie, the main character, Christy Davis, has always longed to be a wife and a mother. But things haven't worked out that way. When desire to conceive doesn't work, she and her husband turn to adoption to fill their longing for a child. This movie is definitely a tear jerker and I warned my hubby ahead of time not to make any comments if I did cry! :-) But he was wonderful and watched quietly along with me. What a wonderful movie to depict the emotions, Christian couples especially, experience. Our churches sometimes are so focused on young families and stay at home moms (which is awesome and wonderful they are able to minister to those in this stage of life) that we forget about people in all walks of life. I am not saying this because I am in this stage of life, but I have to admit, I had no where to really turn when Seth and I first faced infertility. There is an amazing website that is going forward at full force to bring about the subject of adoption and caring for orphans to churches. If the church doesn't care, why should the world? The site is called I Care About Orphans - you can access it here. Please take just five minutes to check it out!

Happy Monday!

Proverbs 31

I decided to take a break from my usual subject because I have to write something that has been heavy on my heart. While cleaning my home the other day I had our tv on and was watching a particular show - to be honest I can't even tell you what it was! But I am positive my Heavenly Father, in His wonderful grace and mercy, was the cause for me seeing this particular program.The young couple on the TV screen were saying things and the "live" audience was laughing. Upon closer observation I realized the laughter was to the expense of the husband. I know we have all noticed this in our society today - what has happened to our men?! And it isn't because men wont stand up and led (ok maybe in some circumstances). We women have become so overbearing that I believe some men have simply given up.

I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears when the wife said something especially degrading to the husband and the children followed suit. What in the world?!? There was no respect, no love, nothing except cold hearted belittling and emasculating going on.

Yet, it caused me to look at myself and examine my heart. I read a verse from Proverbs 31 the other day and seeing this program caused this verse to come to life in the forefront of my mind. Proverbs 31:11-12 (NLT) "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Now I know, I can feel all the mental eye rolling going on - yes, yes we've heard this all before, but I don't think we really have. It concerns me that our men are being disrespected greatly and in such a way that it is causing them to simply stop leading. In return, causing women to step up and demand/take control.

I must repent and be honest, because I have been very much like this. I nag my husband and demand things be done my way and no other way will work. I comment on his driving, the way he spends money, the way he puts his clothes away, the way he watches TV, what he watches on TV (usually sports) constantly. I am constantly nagging him about something. I have sinned against him and caused him in some ways to stop leading. But I praise God for His goodness and mercy on me and allowing me to see the error of my ways and to run to the cross and leave that sin (mostly) behind - there are still days I feel myself wanting to take charge. As wives I am sure we have all been in this position. I most of all. But God is working in me and shaping me to be the wife and (future) mother I need to be. I want our children to respect and love their father because they see me loving and respecting him.

Proverbs 27:15-16 (NLT) "A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands." Are we able to stop the wind? No! Even the thought is crazy. 

We as women were made to love and encourage our husbands. To support them in everything. And not just our husbands, but to respect other men in our lives as well.

Ruth Graham said, "My job is to love my husband; it's God's job to change him!" How true! My prayer is that I would live this way continually reminding myself that I am not my husband's keeper. God is very capable of teaching and molding him. I have enough things to deal with on my own with myself!!

I will leave you with one last quote. I read it on the Proverbs 31 ministries page, I encourage you, if you haven't already, to take a look at it - it is a great ministry! You can get to it from here. Check it out. 

"Today I will be a woman who extends grace. Who holds her tongue. Who tames her anger. Who follows hard after God and walks in His ways, through His strength!"

Adoption

After three years of continued prayer and guidance, Seth and I have decided to begin the lengthy process of adoption. We are excited and terrified at the same time! We know God will work and will direct our paths, but you have to admit, EVERYONE loves telling adoption horror stories. However, we have not been deterred by this. Is it going to be hard? Yes, we know it wont be easy, but we are commanded to care for the orphans (and widows). James 1:27 (NLT) "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." 

Dr. Russell Moore, who pastors Highview Baptist Church, wrote a book entitled Adopted for Life. He gives his own adoption experience and tells us how "The gospel of Jesus Christ means our families and churches ought to be at the forefront of the adoption of orphans close to home and around the world." Now, this doesn't mean that all families have been called to adopt a child, but what about supporting someone that is desiring to adopt? Not even monetary support, but through prayer?

Seth and I are so excited to see what God has in store. We would truly covet your prayers! If you would please remember us as we begin this journey. We serve a great God able to do great things! 

Happy Sunday! :)

Multiple Blessings!

Hurry up and wait.. That has been Seth and I's theme, it seems, from the day we got married. We both believe God has called us to the ministry, but have been waiting for God to fulfill that promise for almost 5 years. Let me tell you, it has been a long 5 years at times! Add into that the longing of wanting to start a family and you get yourself a whole big pot of stress, sadness, loneliness, and feelings of failure. But God is still good. Sometimes I get so focused on what God hasn't given me that I completely miss out on the amazing blessings He so graciously has given me!

For starters, my salvation. What an amazing God we serve. To take a wretched, selfish, sinful human being - with no good in and of myself, and make me a child of His! Can you even fathom that?! There are days that I cannot - which is what makes God, God. Do I realize without God's mercy and grace that I would still be living in my dreadfulness, looking to spend an eternity separated from the love of God? I Peter 1:3 (ESV) "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." How amazing is that? God sent His only perfect, righteous Son to die for the very people that wanted to murder Him?! Because of Christ not only dying for my sin, but rising again, I can have a living hope. If that isn't enough to have me on my knees thanking God every day, I don't know what will.

The second greatest thing other than my salvation is my husband, Seth. I could not have imagined a more perfect match for me. No matter how selfish I am, or how many times I sin against him with my words, he forgives me. He is so wise and is such a godly leader, I know one day he will make an amazing father. He is truly my best friend.

Another amazing blessing is my family. I was blessed to be raised by godly parents who instilled in me biblical truths and the value of honest, hard work. My parents taught me many things, not just by their words, but by their actions. Not only has God abundantly blessed me with them, but my second set of parents I got the day I married Seth. They have been godly examples as well. We  have also welcomed 8 nieces and nephews into our lives! What a wonderful gift that has been! It is such a blessing to be an auntie. 

There are so many more blessings that I could list, but I think you get the point! I am one lucky girl. I have a great confidence in my Heavenly Father that one day I will hold my own child in my arms whether biologically or through the amazing blessing of adoption, but until that day I will remember God is good all the time - not just when He gives me what I want!

The Beginning

I have been praying about starting a blog for quite a while, but always chickened out because there really isn't anything too interesting about my life. I'm a pretty boring person. But you know how God brings something to mind and He doesn't let you forget it until you finally force yourself to do it - well that's what happened. I am a pretty private person, so to put myself out there terrifies me! 

When I was 16 years old I was diagnosed with PCOS. For those who have never heard of it, it is a syndrome that effects many different areas for a woman. The most painful - it effects fertility. The thought of never having children at age 16 didn't really effect me too much. 

Then I got married....  

For the last 4 years we have been unable to conceive. As a woman, I feel like a failure. The one thing I believe I was put on earth to do and I can't - well haven't yet. And as I hear the silent groans from some, yes, I know women have been liberated and we can have successful careers, but God has not put that desire on my heart.
Lately I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself, like no one else could possibly know or understand what I am going through (which in all honesty, unless you have experienced infertility, I don't think you can truly understand it) But God did something completely amazing for me!! He brought a long lost friend into the picture and through her openness and vulnerability I saw that God had not forsaken me like I thought! 
Now, don't get me wrong - I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and if He is most glorified in us not having children then that is His sovereign choice! As Romans 9:20 says, "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why have you made me like this?'" (NKJV)