I have been praying about starting a blog for quite a while, but always chickened out because there really isn't anything too interesting about my life. I'm a pretty boring person. But you know how God brings something to mind and He doesn't let you forget it until you finally force yourself to do it - well that's what happened. I am a pretty private person, so to put myself out there terrifies me!
When I was 16 years old I was diagnosed with PCOS. For those who have never heard of it, it is a syndrome that effects many different areas for a woman. The most painful - it effects fertility. The thought of never having children at age 16 didn't really effect me too much.
Then I got married....
For the last 4 years we have been unable to conceive. As a woman, I feel like a failure. The one thing I believe I was put on earth to do and I can't - well haven't yet. And as I hear the silent groans from some, yes, I know women have been liberated and we can have successful careers, but God has not put that desire on my heart.
Lately I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself, like no one else could possibly know or understand what I am going through (which in all honesty, unless you have experienced infertility, I don't think you can truly understand it) But God did something completely amazing for me!! He brought a long lost friend into the picture and through her openness and vulnerability I saw that God had not forsaken me like I thought!
Now, don't get me wrong - I know I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and if He is most glorified in us not having children then that is His sovereign choice! As Romans 9:20 says, "But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why have you made me like this?'" (NKJV)
Thank you for your willingness to be so open! I can't wait to see what God does through your obedience to him! Praying for you both :)
ReplyDeleteHi Jewel! As I am sure you know, Luke and I have gone through what you are going through right now, and though it has not ever been an easy thing for us, God has taught us amazing things about Himself and about how we view HIm. The book of Job has been such a comfort to me through these last 7 years as we have struggled with infertility, as I see Job be in the same spot I was in of not understanding. Yet, God shows HIs power to Job so that he sees God for who He truly is and finally realizes that God is who He is in the good times and the bad times and will always remain constant. Knowing that He remains constant when the circumstances of my life seem she so inconstant brought me peace and I hope you will experience that peace as well. We love you and want you to know we are praying for you both!
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