Paper Dream

Anyone who has experienced the pain of infertility knows how deep the despair of loneliness can feel. One facing infertility often asks, Why God, why me? I know I have asked this question over and over and over again. I know God loves me and as His word tells me, He works all things for our good, Romans 8:28. But that doesn't mean that God is going to give me everything I want. Every prayer and petition we lift up to God as Christians, He answers, but we don't always like those answers. God is not a genie or an ATM machine. I have heard friends experiencing infertility that get angry with God because they just can't understand how a loving God wont give them children. Yet, once they conceive, God is so good again. This frustrates me to no end. As hard as it is to say sometimes, God is always good. There are times when I don't understand why He chooses to do things or to withhold things from me, but as Romans 9 tells us, who am I to question God?! I must admit there are times when I cry myself to sleep at yet another person I know that is expecting - don't get me wrong please! It isn't because I am unhappy or even jealous that someone is expecting, not at all! It's just I don't understand why me. However, I have come to realize that God is molding me into the type of woman He wants me to be - am I willing to suffer for His glory? Maybe thru my "suffering" someone is pointed to the amazing glory of God. Maybe I can be a testimony to an unsaved friend or acquaintance. Oh to only imagine that God could use me in that way!! What a wonderful thing, because you see, if thru me God is most glorified by me never having children, who am I to complain and question His plan for my life?! God has given me so much already in my salvation alone.

My point of writing this post, and the title of it, is to share with you a new movie that recently came out by American Family Studios. It is entitled Paper Dream. I have to tell you, this movie hit close to home. It's only about 45 minutes in length and I believe every single woman should watch this movie whether they have children or not. I believe it gives an accurate description of how infertility affects a woman. In the movie, the main character, Christy Davis, has always longed to be a wife and a mother. But things haven't worked out that way. When desire to conceive doesn't work, she and her husband turn to adoption to fill their longing for a child. This movie is definitely a tear jerker and I warned my hubby ahead of time not to make any comments if I did cry! :-) But he was wonderful and watched quietly along with me. What a wonderful movie to depict the emotions, Christian couples especially, experience. Our churches sometimes are so focused on young families and stay at home moms (which is awesome and wonderful they are able to minister to those in this stage of life) that we forget about people in all walks of life. I am not saying this because I am in this stage of life, but I have to admit, I had no where to really turn when Seth and I first faced infertility. There is an amazing website that is going forward at full force to bring about the subject of adoption and caring for orphans to churches. If the church doesn't care, why should the world? The site is called I Care About Orphans - you can access it here. Please take just five minutes to check it out!

Happy Monday!